When Doug Schmidt heads off to his restaurant job, the single dad doesn’t turn to a daycare center to watch his three year old daughter, he turns to his father.
Ron Schmidt retired a few years back and offered to help his son, and granddaughter out.
He’s among a growing number of relatives taking over child care while parents are at work, trying to make every penny count.
It’s a trend Deeann Burtch Puffert of King County’s Childcare Resources says can work well for both parents and children, as long as everyone involved is aware of some of the challenges.
Velia Lara understands the challenges well. Relatives and friends help her and her husband with childcare, while the couple works three jobs and juggles a busy schedule with two young children in tow.
You can’t expect a lot from a child care provider, who’s working for free. Lara often accepts the help of other families she knows well.
“It’s sometimes hard, because some families have the same rules, but some have very different rules,” said Lara.
Puffert says that is to be expected, and she says children can adapt to changing rules and changing environments. But it helps if parents communicate early and often with their children about where they’re going and who they’ll be with.
“Sometimes I think kids feel like they’re being dragged around on a leash, not knowing where they’re going. That’s not a very good place to be when you’re still growing and developing,” said Puffert.
She says parents with a changing childcare schedule should communicate, even with very young children of one or two years old, about where they’re going on a day to day basis. Children understand more than you realize, and it’s good to get in the habit of communicating like this early on.
She says when a child understand where they’re going, they’ll know what they can expect from that environment that day. They will remember what the rules are at that place and will probably have a pretty good idea of how they’ll spend their time.
Puffert says it’s also a good idea to allow a child to pack a bag filled with very special things, like blankets or toys, they can take with them wherever they go. It helps children to feel grounded and cared for.
“You create traditions, within the context of transition for the child (going from one place to the next) and those traditions you create can really work well,” said Puffert.
Puffert also says that while you have to expect that rules will be different with different relatives or friends, it is okay to expect them to adhere to one or two of your family’s core values.
“Let’s say you don’t want your child to be placed in a time out. It’s something your family feels strongly about. Have a conversation about that and ask, “Will that work for you?” said Puffert.